For years surfing sporting bodies and their affilliates fought tooth and nail to have surfing made part of the olympic lineup. They all failed. And fair enough, I mean why would the sporting world want to see a bunch of drugged up surfing bums bounce and grovel at the elite wave spots of, say, China, Seoul, and even the farking the UK, I mean seriously the Olympics are already full of drugged up sports heroes as it is, and those countries waves are just “way too gnarley dude, like cowa-farking-bunga gnarley”. Can you imagine some of the test results coming back from the top surfers, it would read like a script for Leaving Las Vegas II. To date only Neco Padaratz has been suspended from ASP events, and that was for steriods. I mean, are you farking kidding me, test the top 44 the day after a Goldcoast/Brazil/Trestles event… Yeah just joking they would only test positive for protien shakes and green tea.
Anyway, like i said surfing failed, but rumour has it that Aquatic Water-Jousting(SUP’ing) is set to make its mark on the olympic scene. Thats right, the SUP fraternity have quietly made in-roads with the Olympic Sporting Committee and are supported by their fellow brethern the Kayakers, Rowers, and Windsurfers. Germany’s WWJ(World Water Jousting) President, Ivan Sacha Kok, was overwhelmed by the news and could only say, ” Dis is just so oarsome!! Vee will raise our paddles in triumph and celebrate tonight!!”
The USA’s WWJ spokesperson Weird Hamilton had this to add, “We knew surfing had failed at getting accepted so we pitched the idea of a double-ended wave pool where SUP’ers ride man-made waves towards each other and battle jousting styles when the waves meet. You also have to be able to handle the ensuing backwash, it becomes a very spectator enticing event.” Yes, one would have to agree it is part gladiator, part watersport and a whole lot mardi-farking-gra.
Stay tuned for more oarsome news…Bodyboarding to become a Winter Olympic Downhill sport!!!!