Revenge Of Napalm Ninja and The Fat Fetish


I drove down the beach this morning as I always do in the mornings before work. I did a quick swoop around the Bar carpark, looked at a near flat ocean free of tsunami’s and free of shortboard-able waves. I then drove to Pete Andy’s board factory, chewed the fat with Big Bruce, donned my sanding apparel, sanded one board, then drove home for eggs on toast. While I was feasting, my phone bleeped and it was the king of Bouy Weather- Napalm Ninga(Bevan Wiig). “leavin in half an hour swell will be sick this arvo and tomorrow…”, Now as I said before I had looked at the ocean and my first thought(no offence Napes) was you tripper it is flat. But as I know this Cat studies weather reports like teens do porn, I knew there must be something in his decision, I went straight to the vid cam on Surf2Surf and low and behold, waves… I jumped in the car and was greeted by shoulder to head high waves on the bar, I was straight out there. Quick surf and then on to my ding repar bay to fix a bloody wave-ski and start on a crease on one of Rangi’s boards, No farking shit it took me 20mins just to peel the farking sponsors stickers off his board before I could even prep sand it. Bloody Sponsor Monsters ! Napes soon turned up, and we head down the coast to check the secret beach, too straight and too full, back in the wagon and off to secret sand bar 75, swell kicking big time and almost too big but a few hitting the righthand bank.

Secret beach #1 was way too over saturated...

Secret beach #1 was way too over saturated...

Secret Beach #2 was in threat of a 111 emergency call for over-crowding..

Secret Beach #2 was in threat of a 111 emergency call for over-crowding..

Napalm Ninga threw on his wettie and jumped straight into a 1970's surf magazine,"Like  Flower Power Dude"

Napalm Ninga threw on his wettie and jumped straight into a 1970's surf magazine,"Like Flower Power Dude"

Here are a few words from Napes himself regarding his love/hate relationship with the Eastside…..

I really love coming to whanga…. as you all know we have a minimum quota of fat puss burgers we need to get under our belts before we are able to score gold….. Ive found over the years, a quick trip down to whanga to surf the main beach is the best way to drag net that quota in a ridiculiously short time frame. First tip is to track long period swells squeezed by mazzive fat thighs in the pacific, these thighs wooble over thousands of kms of fetchup…. for days on end. Next tip get very excited…..very excited…. Hit the beach at any tide and you are guaranted to clense all the fat shite out of your system 🙂 ………DAM! yeeeeow! pumping gold will be under your pillow when you get home.

Napes slices the pork fat at Secret Beach #2

Napes slices the pork fat at Secret Beach #2

Ninja hits @ Jenny Craig Bay

Ninja hits @ Jenny Craig Bay

Whip it...Whip it real good... Aerobics Napalm styles

Whip it...Whip it real good... Aerobics Napalm styles

"...does my bottom look big in this babe..." "Umm, Ummm, no...."

"...does my bottom look big in this babe..." "Umm, Ummm, no...."

Pancho Sullivan was once the heaviest surfer on tour, Napes does his best post-Thanksgiving dinner impersonation of the Hawaiian's favourite move...

Pancho Sullivan was once the heaviest surfer on tour, Napes does his best post-Thanksgiving dinner impersonation of the Hawaiian's favourite move...

Remember folks….Big is Beautiful… well I keep telling myself that anyway, me and the Mitre Mega Guy….

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About DiggaSURF

Writer and photographer
This entry was posted in Digga's Voice- Images and Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Revenge Of Napalm Ninja and The Fat Fetish

  1. quadlantern says:

    It would seem his bum not only looks big, but the huge wobbling thighs he mentions are bogging him down in the last shot!! Obviously a stop at Otara KFC for a family bucket on the drive down ay Napes? ~o

    • napalmninja says:

      Otara was out quadlantern… they said the buckets were all sent as aid…. luckily i found enough saturated fat to sink the rail from the 12 pack of deep fried crumbed lasagne’s i had in the glove box.

  2. quadlantern says:

    Well that’ll do it! I know you made those scrapes in the road cuttings too, squeezing your wide-load down the gorge!

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