The Forgotten Oz Files…


Last year, a couple of Rangi’s Ozzie mates rocked up and did a bit of a tiki tour around NZ. They hit the Coro at one stage and tore apart a little peak I was shooting on their funky fishes. The lads were all about having fun in the water and not exactally your stereo-typical bad-sheep-joke-slinging ozzy ozzzy ozzy travellers.

The Flying Wombat

Nice guys I guess you could say, and yep I guess you could say I’m not….Time for some payback for all the bad sheep jokes I’ve ever had in the past… Sorry lads not your fault, just segwaying your images with some aussie humour (attacks)…

If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs?

4) An Englishman wants to marry an Irish girl and is told he needs to become irish before he can do so. It is a very simple operation where they remove 5% of your brain.
Anyway the englishman wakes up after the operation and the doctor comes up to him looking all worried and say “I am terribly sorry, theres been a mistake to be sure, we accidently removed 50% of your brain instead of 5%!”
The englishman sits up and simply say “She’ll be right, mate”

5)

An Aussie pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch.
The Barman says ‘Sheesh – How’d you lose the leg’

The Pirate says ‘Arrrrr – A shark took it off at the knee’

The Barman says ‘Thats no good, what about the hand?’

The Piarate says ‘Arrrrg – Lost it in a bloody bar brawl’

The Barman says ‘Jeez – Well what about the eye then?’

The Pirate says ‘Thats easy a seagul crapped in it’

The Barman says ‘What?!?!’

The Pirate says ‘Arrrrrrr…I’d only had the hook one day…’

FEW SHOTS OF THE LADS IN THE SLIDESHOW BELOW

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 What’s an Australians idea of foreplay?
You awake?
 What’s a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?
You awake, mum?

Joke about Australian tactfullness

1) Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Simmo. Chook falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Simmo says,”Someone should go and tell his wife.” Macca says, “OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, Macca comes back carrying a slab of VB. Simmo says,”Where did you get that, Macca?”
“Chook’s missus gave it to me.” “That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave you beer?” Macca says, “Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Chook`s widow.”
She said, “No, I’m not a widow.”
And I said, “Wanna bet me a slab”

Joke about Australian yobbo

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

Jokes about Australian gentleman

1)Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor,when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,”Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex, will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.”
Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him, that they’d close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. “What happened?” Bruce replied, “I guess she choked.”

2) An Australian gentleman should always offer to light his girlfriend’s farts before lighting his own.

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About DiggaSURF

Writer and photographer
This entry was posted in Digga's Voice- Images and Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

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